One can't help but to sometimes feel distressed. Disappointed in one self, in others, over outcomes and events, what was said or done. Maybe I had done something that was wrong. Can I make it better? What do we do when we're disappointed in ourselves? We could take it personal and think that we bad person. We could be anger at our self. We could forget that we are just part of the big picture and get completely wrapped up in a storm. One big incident or multiple small conflicts can create the storm. This week, I've experienced a few not so pleasant encounters. Multiple incidents began to form a bit of a storm. Today I found shelter in this storm and I made my own shelter. Today I faced the storm and appreciated the storm. I ran track during lunch as fast as I possibly could. I looked at the sky and told myself to just go. The intense speed work made me feel calm but energized, focused, and happy the rest of the afternoon at work. After work, the sky appeared sunny and the air was breezy...so of course I gear up for a bike ride! Picking up my cadence, balancing on my aerobars and seat, tapping my fingers to XX. All of the sudden dark clouds set in and I feel light sprinkles. I try to convince myself the drops will blow over and I keep pedaling further. I need to get my mileage in and the rain will stop...but the drops get heavier, the goosebumps get bigger and the thunder sets in. I couldn't take the storm anymore and I wanted to crawl up in a ball somewhere. I pulled into the next deserted gas station and searched for an answer. Frustration was getting a little high. I told myself to make something happen. The old gas pumps were covered with caution tape and plastic wrap, so I ripped as hard as I could to get some of the plastic wrap off. I made arm warmers. I made wings. I made a rain jacket for my iPod. I was now working with what I had and doing what I could. As the great Arthur Ashe says, "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." This was all part of the adventure.
 |
| Ripping my heart out to get wings (and get warm:) |
 |
| Ready to take-off and find those bluebirds. |
As I looked up to get moving again...I looked straight ahead to a beautiful rainbow spread across the big sky. I felt safe, I felt part of the big beautiful world and I felt like I belonged to this moment. No matter where the road would take me and what happened along the way, I belonged to the world and everything would turn out the way it's meant to be. Drop the worries and keep the head facing up to the rainbow.
The adventure did not stop with the rainbow; however it continued with a torrential down pour of water throughout the rest of the ride. The lightning flashed and the thunder roared. The socks were soaked, the goose bumps turned into mountains, the nose was a fountain and the fingers were yellow and numb. The choices were to get sucked into the storm with frustration and disappointment or appreciate the storm, know it was temporary and necessary for continued growth. I tried to relax my muscles, think happy thoughts, smile and keep pedaling. I tried to accept the storm and appreciate the storm rather than fight it. I could create my own shelter within the storm. Accept what was done wrong, try to make it continuously better and move on. I was a bluebird with my plastic wrap wings. Open air. Birds fly over the rainbow...so why, then oh why can't I?
Oh how I wish that we were on this adventure together. I too had a similar ride...soaked, frustrated, disappointed. Remember last year's monsoon....80 mile ride, 45 miles outside of Caesar's, nearly 100 miles from home...no one to call, nothing to do but to brave the storms. Flooded roads, hard rain pelting every inches of our bodies. We were shirtless and cold. You almost got run over by a truck. We persevered...with a poncho and alterations between laughter and cursing. Not to mention we both ran afterward. These are the experiences we live for. They test us and make us stronger. Fly like a peacock, my dearest Spike!!
ReplyDelete