Somewhere over the rainbow, Bluebirds fly.

One can't help but to sometimes feel distressed. Disappointed in one self, in others, over outcomes and events, what was said or done. Maybe I had done something that was wrong. Can I make it better? What do we do when we're disappointed in ourselves? We could take it personal and think that we bad person. We could be anger at our self. We could forget that we are just part of the big picture and get completely wrapped up in a storm. One big incident or multiple small conflicts can create the storm. This week, I've experienced a few not so pleasant encounters. Multiple incidents began to form a bit of a storm. Today I found shelter in this storm and I made my own shelter. Today I faced the storm and appreciated the storm. I ran track during lunch as fast as I possibly could. I looked at the sky and told myself to just go. The intense speed work made me feel calm but energized, focused, and happy the rest of the afternoon at work. After work, the sky appeared sunny and the air was breezy...so of course I gear up for a bike ride! Picking up my cadence, balancing on my aerobars and seat, tapping my fingers to XX. All of the sudden dark clouds set in and I feel light sprinkles. I try to convince myself the drops will blow over and I keep pedaling further. I need to get my mileage in and the rain will stop...but the drops get heavier, the goosebumps get bigger and the thunder sets in. I couldn't take the storm anymore and I wanted to crawl up in a ball somewhere. I pulled into the next deserted gas station  and searched for an answer. Frustration was getting a little high. I told myself to make something happen. The old gas pumps were covered with caution tape and plastic wrap, so I ripped as hard as I could to get some of the plastic wrap off. I made arm warmers. I made wings. I made a rain jacket for my iPod. I was now working with what I had and doing what I could. As the great Arthur Ashe says, "Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can." This was all part of the adventure.  

Ripping my heart out to get wings (and get warm:)

Ready to take-off and find those bluebirds.

As I looked up to get moving again...I looked straight ahead to a beautiful rainbow spread across the big sky. I felt safe, I felt part of the big beautiful world and I felt like I belonged to this moment. No matter where the road would take me and what happened along the way, I belonged to the world and everything would turn out the way it's meant to be. Drop the worries and keep the head facing up to the rainbow.





The adventure did not stop with the rainbow; however it continued with a torrential down pour of water throughout the rest of the ride. The lightning flashed and the thunder roared. The socks were soaked, the goose bumps turned into mountains, the nose was a fountain and the fingers were yellow and numb. The choices were to get sucked into the storm with frustration and disappointment or appreciate the storm, know it was temporary and necessary for continued growth. I tried to relax my muscles, think happy thoughts, smile and keep pedaling. I tried to accept the storm and appreciate the storm rather than fight it. I could create my own shelter within the storm. Accept what was done wrong, try to make it continuously better and move on. I was a bluebird with my plastic wrap wings. Open air. Birds fly over the rainbow...so why, then oh why can't I?  

Idea Exploration vs Goal Setting

Where to start? We all have goals and activities that make our everyday lives meaningful. Whether it be related to our jobs, caring for family, spending time with friends, driving fancy cars, hip hop dancing, guitar jamming, praying, making delicious cookies, winning American Idol, dominating online video games, learning or teaching something, winning the next election, saving lives, getting more FB friends, making the world a better place, etc. As our thoughts and bodies change, as our situations change...our goals change. What we want and what we need change. We are works in progress. For the purpose of allowing for the unknown potential to happen, I am going to establish some 'ideas' rather than 'goals' for this triathlon season. Could this be considered an avoidance of commitment, a fear of failure...or could this be the skill of resilience, desire for peace and curiosity for full potential at any given time?

So anyways, let's start with getting some of these current ideas that ought to have the opportunity to be explored down in writing...

Right now I have a few major tri-specific performance ideas with serious plans to nurture these ideas this summer.
1.  Complete TTT on May 20-22 (no time 'idea' for this one) (OK...under 14 hours)
2.  Complete Muncie half Ironman on July 9 in under 5:30 hours
3.  Complete Louisville full Ironman on August 28 in under 12 hours
4.  Complete USAT Long Course Nationals Championship in MB on October 8 (that is if 'idea' #2 is met)

The mere completion of these races without additional cause other than to better myself and for pure enjoyment does not fulfill my desire to give myself and to embrace the interconnectedness of the world. Therefore I needed to correlate them to additional ideas.
1.  Raise awareness of the sacrifices our Veterans have experienced and overcome for our country and thank them for their service
2.  Raise awareness of how physical and mental exercise can help overcome challenges and reach unimaginable potential
3.  Raise awareness and funds to support Tri-Soldier project (http://www.trisoldier.org/)
4.  Return to the opposite side of the world and provide follow-up therapy and love to children and adults with disabilities who do not have the physical, mental or societal freedoms many of us have  (http://www.therapymissions.org/)

                

Plus on top of all that...I have some more ideas for the adventures. I want to see the world and meet people from all walks of life. I want to feel things I've never felt. I want to give, I want to be taught and I want to discover.

Reflecting back on days of childhood I have always loved adventure, however I don't remember ever dreaming about being a tri-athlete. Somehow I ended up doing a marathon a few years ago because I was so moved by the inspirational stories from the Team in Training heroes. People with cancer could run marathons? People with cancer could battle cancer...and win! They could also loose the battle...however they would leave emotional imprints on several other lives in their journey. These people did not choose to have cancer, but it happened and what did they do? They smiled, they inspired others, they challenged themselves to complete marathons, challenged others to come along with them and they kept on living and loving. Wow, I thought, one day I could wake up and have cancer, tomorrow my best friend could be diagnosed with cancer. What would I do? I would be thankful for what I do have. I would be thankful for my friends and family. I would be thankful for my legs and I would run to soak in all the sights and sounds I was thankful for and I would show my appreciation. After I realized the beauty of discovering the unknown feelings associated with training and completing my first marathon, I couldn't help but to do some more. Then I bought my first real road bike and slowly began collecting all the other tri-gear. My first triathlon season was in 2008. I did mostly Olympic distance triathlons in 2008 and 2009. November of 2010 I completed my first full distance Ironman. I did this race in honor of the Wounded Warriors Project. These days, Veterans give me constant inspiration and I attempt to use my energy to give them appreciation and care. Only seems right that I combine my passion for triathlon and helping Veterans into meaningful actions. The original idea was to focus on shorter distances this upcoming year and keep it more low key; however ideas change and things happen...and here I am signed up and ready to move for some more long distances in 2011. I'm excited about this idea change. I'm excited to see what happens. I'm just straight up excited to be here.

Back to my childhood tri-adventures, I did not want to grow up to be a tri-athlete or an occupational therapist. I remember wanting to be an artist, creating beautiful messes and letting my imagination run free. I remember roaming the neighborhood streets on my bicycle, riding on the back of my mom and dad's bikes and decorating my bike for the fourth of July parade. I remember walking to friends, running to capture the flag, running from catch and kiss, and dreading track work for swim team pre-season training. I remember Marco Polo with my cousins in the back yard pool, being carried into the ocean my dad, not having fear of the deep end with my snorkel mask and grandma, early cold water swim practices at the YMCA, driving to hot summer swim meets with dad, learning about dedication, hard work and being part of a team in the pool. Naturally, I'm a water baby, the bike has always been my friend and running has grown on me throughout the years.

Water. Flow. Aqua. Buoyancy. Blue. Float. Waves. Limitless. Free. Space. Oxygen.

If we don't limit ourselves by set in stone goals, we may end up in new territory and discover the unknown. If we listen to the silence and see the space, we may receive ideas. Pay attention to those ideas and let them happen. If our mind is happy our body is happy. If our mind is frustrated our body is probably not very happy. How do we make ourselves happy? Don't limit ourselves by rigid goals, nurture our ideas, let our mind and bodies move freely and most importantly...smile...forgive...love.

I do see and appreciate the thought process involved in goal setting and reaching. It is valuable and necessary in different situations for different people. I have learned to set goals in collaboration with people everyday. We learn to set relevant, understandable, measurable, behavioral, attainable goals. Goals are the cultural norm here in America. Financial goals, educational goals, career goals, fitness goals, family planning, medical goals. This summer I am going to attempt a personal transition to consciously pay more attention to the present moment and the alternative thought process of 'idea exploration' rather than 'goal setting'.

**These are some ideas right now, they might change. It's not good or bad if they change. It's just part of the adventure.**